Friday, September 24, 2010

I never said it would be easy...

The last couple of days have been very draining on me.  Not for any reason that should be draining... but for some reason I have been feeling very drained and almost sad.  It might be because my husband is out of town again, or it might be because I have a million things on my plate right now.  Or it might not be either of those things.  I have been attempting new avenues in my life because I don't feel I am doing what I SHOULD be doing.  Don't get me wrong... I am happy with my life, I have a beautiful family, a wonderful husband, a house to shelter me, food to eat, a great job, cars to get us places... basically I have it made.  But for some reason I have felt I have a purpose I am missing.  I'm not sure what it is and I almost feel because I have been so relentlessly looking for it... IT has been evading me.  :(

Maybe that is why I feel so drained.  I have a picture of Christ next to me at my desk with a saying on it.  It is one of my favorites and I read it constantly...



The reason I am writing this post, as you can see by the title, is for this exact saying... "I never said it would be easy... I only said it would be worth it."  I have been telling this to myself for the last couple of days.  I have been spending a lot of time on my knees praying for guidance and comfort.  I know God is always there and He wants me to be happy.  However, I almost feel like He wants me to push myself more.  My mom was always here before and she was not only my rock but she pushed me to be the best I could be.  Now that she is gone I feel I don't have that push any more.  So... I can either go find the push from someone else or I can "woman" up and push myself.  I'm not sure if I have the strength right now, but I am going to go some where inside myself I have never been before and I am going to HAVE to find the strength.

Advice, constructive criticism or just your thoughts are greatly appreciated.  Love to all of you!

3 comments:

  1. At my mom's funeral, I could barely see the piano music through my wet eyes for the song, "The Test", which is about death and exactly what your saying on the picture of Christ says...I never said it would be easy...

    When I read this, the thought came to me "Trust your natural knowing". The way you describe your experience makes me feel like I am going through the same thing.

    I know motherhood is a great calling...blah blah...but I felt like I was missing out on something great. I wanted to inspire, empower, and make a difference. I want to live my life's purpose.

    I had the idea to go to massage therapy school. My purpose might not to be a massage therapist forever, but I felt that taking a STEP meant not being stagnant. And I also knew that STEP meant trusting the Lord would guide the next STEP and the next until I was aligned with what He wanted me to do. (I'm loving massage...healing...being present)

    Take a STEP...any STEP. Open your heart. Listen. You are a beauty and a wonder. I love you.

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  2. Thanks Melissa... you always have such great advice and insite! Love ya girl!

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  3. This is a GREAT quote, def one of my favorites too! I think about it alot actually so it was really cool you posted about it! I have these days too, or weeks LOL Isnt it just so nice to know what we know about the Gospel so we can get through them? :)

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