Holes

I had been in that hole for a very long time
In the dark and the damp, in the cold and the slime.
The shaft was above me; I could see it quite clear
But there's no way I ever could reach it from here.
Nor could I remember the world way up there
So I lost all my hope and gave in to despair.
I knew nothing but darkness, the floor, and the walls
Then off in the distance I heard someone call:
"Get up! Get ready! There's nothing the matter.
Take rocks and old sticks and build up a fine ladder."

This had never occurred to me-- had not crossed my mind.
But I started to stack all the stones I could find.
When I ran out of stones, then old sticks were my goal,
For one way or another I'd get out of that hole.
So I soon had a ladder that was sturdy and tall
And I thought, "I'll soon leave this place once and for all."
I climbed up my ladder. It was no easy chore,
For from lifting those boulders, my shoulders were sore.
I climbed on up the ladder, but soon had to stop
For my ladder stopped short-- some ten feet from the top.

I climbed back down my ladder and started to cry
I'd done all I could do. I gave my best try.
And in spite of my work, in this hole I must die.
And all I could do was to sit and think, "Why?"
Was my ladder too short? Or my hole much too deep
Then from way upon high came a voice, "Do not weep."
And then faith, hope, and love entered into my chest
As the voice said to me that I'd done my best.

He said, "You've worked very hard, and your labor's been rough,
But the ladder you've built is at last tall enough.
Do not despair. You have reason to hope.
Just climb up your ladder; I'll throw down my rope."
I climbed up the ladder, then climbed up the cord.
When I got to the top, there stood the Lord.
I couldn't be happier; my struggle was done.
I blinked in the brightness that came from the Son.

I fell to the ground, His feet did I kiss
I cried, "What can I do to repay thee for this?"
Then He looked all about Him. There were holes in the ground
They had people inside, and were seen all around
There were thousands of holes that were damp, dark, and deep
The the Lord turned to me and He said, "Feed my sheep."

Then He went on His way to help other lost souls,
And I got right to work, calling down to the holes:
"Get up! Get ready! There's nothing the matter.
Take rocks and old sticks and build up a fine ladder."

It now was my turn to spread the good word.
The most glorious message that man ever heard.
That there's one who is willing to save one and all
And we've got to be ready when He gives the call.
He'll pull us all out of the hole that we're in
And save all our souls from death and from sin.
So do not lose faith; there is reason to hope
Just build up your ladder; He'll throw down His rope.

~Scott Lewis and elders from his mission

Painting my doors using Chocolate Glaze

It has been a long time since I have put anything on this blog!  I have been super busy with several different projects at my house, along with work and my usual family activities.  But I want to start posting again.  Here is one of the projects I have been working on at my house.  I sanded my doors and then stamped chocolate glaze on them.  They look great and I have gotten multiple compliments on them!  I only have 3 doors complete, but I am working on getting all of them done along with the outside doors before summer time.  Wish me luck!

Finished product:

Front door:

Cheesy Potato Soup

This is my favorite potato soup!  I actually took pictures the last time I made it and I wanted to share it on this blog.  I started with a cheesy potato soup I pulled from allrecipes.com, but then I did not like it very much.  So, I altered it and played around with it until I found a flavor I love!  Here it is...

4 cups water
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
5-7 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/2 cube butter
3-4 Collisimo sausages
10 oz Velveeta
2-3 cups shredded Mexican blend cheese
1 can Cream of Chicken Soup w/ herbs (or without works as well)
2 cups milk
Parsley flakes
Montreal seasoning
Salt

In large pot melt butter and add chopped onion, saute.  Add water and potatoes.  Bring to a boil and then reduce heat to medium. 

Cover and let simmer until the potatoes are tender, usually 15-20 minutes.   Meanwhile cut skin off of the Collisimo sausages and shred the meat onto a frying pan.  I love Collisimo sausages, but you can probably use any sausage or bacon and it would still taste delicious.  You can also make this soup with no meat, it still taste great.

Fry the sausage meat until brown.  When the potatoes are tender, stir in sausages, milk, chicken soup, Montreal seasoning and salt.  I can't tell you exactly how much seasoning I put in, maybe 2-3 Tbls.  I do it by how it looks and then I usually add a little bit more at the end to taste.  You will have to play around with it and add what works for your family.

Heat until soup is nice and hot and then add Velveeta cheese.  After that has melted into the soup add the Mexican blend cheese and parsley flakes.  Melt cheese into the soup.  This makes about 8 servings.  I hope you all enjoy this tasty soup as much as my family does!

How To Raise Competitive Kids

It all starts with UNO or Skip-Bo.  At least in my family it does.  We are loud, we are obnoxious and we are not afraid to call each other names and scream when someone ruins our plans for the ultimate win.  Take this past Sunday for instance.  The four older kids and I were playing UNO on our kitchen table.  We were so loud and some times even violent (Kortnie nearly jumping over the table to yank cards out of Chandlers hand because he was taking too long) that when our home teachers from church showed up they thought we were playing full contact UNO!  Nothing unusual in my family when we get all together and enjoy a great card game.  Makayla growled under her breath, “You idiot” when Kortnie foiled her plans and Chandler screamed like a girl when mom sent his plans plummeting down the drain.  It is all fun and games and in the end we all laugh, but boy do I have some competitive kids.  Luckily none of them are poor losers, but spend the five minutes after playing telling each others plans to smear the others win into the past and bring their victory to the front and center.

Finding meaning in Life

Finally, a night where I got a some what good nights sleep!  It seems like it has been weeks since I felt like I got some good zzzz’s.  My 17 month old baby has been teething and getting over an ear infection and so every night has been waking up around one and again at four.  I felt like he was an infant again!  He has been getting eight teeth for almost six months.  Yes, six months!  Six of them have broken through in the last few weeks and two more are just about there.  His gums are extremely swollen and I know he is miserable, so when he let me sleep until 3AM this morning my heart was overjoyed!  I actually slept for four hours straight for the first time in a long time.  However, he did not want to go back to sleep so I spent the next hour and fifteen minutes coaxing him to lay next to me in bed and watch cartoons.  It was rather painful for me to not be able to go back to sleep, but once we both returned to slumberland it was almost another two hours of great sleep before my alarm hurdled me back into reality.

As I look at my baby I know it is all worth it.  The sleepless nights, the crying, the whining are all worth it.  My kids are everything to me and I would do anything for them.

Overcoming Fears

Remember the days of being young, stupid and supposedly indestructible?  Once upon a time I used to believe I was invincible.  I used to never worry about what might happen to me.  I could not even imagine myself not being in this world or having something bad happen to me.  I lived my life as if nothing or nobody could touch me.  Well, then reality hit me and I suddenly realized I COULD actually die any moment or something bad COULD happen to me.  It was really an eye opener to me and I spent a couple of years after this realization living in constant fear.

My ex-husband passed away five years ago.  This was the moment I realized I was not invincible.  Although I had lived in fear during my marriage to him, I never really believed anything would happen to me or my kids.  Bad things only happen in the movies, right?  Well, then he died and I was left to pick up the pieces with my two children.  I realized if I died my kids would be orphans.  Although I had remarried and I knew my husband would take on the responsibility of my children, it frightened me to no end to think my kids could lose the most important person in the world to them.  And then what?  The two people who loved and cherished them the most would be gone and  the thought of that drove me up the wall.  I was constantly fearful of dying and leaving them alone.

Gratitude for my Every Day Life

I was in a car accident a few weeks ago.  It was not anything serious, but it did damage my SUV.  But I am not writing this to complain!  The moment happened so quickly.  I was stopped at a round-about waiting for a few cars to pass around, when I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a white truck sliding towards me.  It had snowed earlier that morning and the roads were still a little bit icy.  In that moment my thoughts were quick and many.  I remember looking forward and seeing if I could move forward, but there was a car right there in front of me, making their way around the round-about.  I then returned to watching the truck slide quickly towards me and my only thought at that moment was, “Oh sh#@! There is no way to avoid this one!”  And then BAM!  The truck hit the back of my car hard, sending my SUV skidding into the middle of the round-about and nearly hitting the last car going past me.  Luckily, she was quick on her feet and had moved onto the curb out of the reach of my car.  My daughter was in the car with me and I immediately looked over at her and asked her if she was okay.  She said she was fine but was getting a headache and she looked shaken up!  I had tensed up and I already could feel the headache coming on.  My first accident in over fifteen years...

The things they tell us...

I was reflecting back to a time in my life where I was far more innocent and far more naive and I had to laugh about some of the things I was told and believed.  I am sure most parents, older siblings or peers of some sort tell little white lies to either fascinate, scare or confuse children.  I am also sure most of the things I believed were explained to me or over heard and I interpreted them the way my child like mind figured things out.  Therefore, I guess I can not put all the blame on my parents, brothers and sisters and all the other people who influenced my young mind! :)

Here are a few of the ideas I believed or thought of back in the days:

- I once believed we lived inside the Earth, the sky was the crust of the planet and the stars were small holes in the crust.  I believed the sun and the moon were inside the crust and I could not for the life of me figure out how space shuttles got through the crust!

-On that same note, I believed the sun and the moon were far smaller and they circled the Earth, instead of the Earth circling the sun.

- I was told by two babysitters that when they wiped the dust with their fingers and then licked their fingers they would turn into zombies.  I was scared of dust for years...

- When I was little I shared a room with my older sister... when I got my own room I remember hating being alone at night and praying for the day when I could be married so I would never have to sleep alone again!

- I grew up in Utah near American Fork canyon.  Every night my dad watched Mash and I used to look up at the mountain by my house and I believed Mash was actually taking place up in those mountains.

- I was told by one of my older siblings that if I covered my eyes and walked through the family room, no one would see me because I could not see them.  I tried it one time while my parents were having a large party.  I remember hiding under the night stand next to the couch and then covering my eyes and walking out into the crowd, really believing there was no chance they could see me.  I do not remember much of what happened next, except one of my parents quickly scooting me out of the room and back to bed.  I am sure they all had a good laugh, including my siblings!

-One of my brothers told me that if I ever did anything bad all I had to say to my parents was, “Satan made me do it”.  That did not fly as well as I thought it would! :)

I really could go on and on about the silly and innocent beliefs I had as a child!  I look at my kids now and I realize when I speak to them, they are interpreting what I have to say in the way their little minds can sort it out.  I get frustrated at times because they do not catch on as quickly as I want them to, but after thinking back to my mind as a child I remember how different my thoughts were back then.  I did not analyze everything and I took things exactly the way they sounded.  So now... I get to take a step back and be conscious of how I am influencing my children, even in those small and silly ways!

What are some of the silly thoughts you had as a child?  What are some of the ways you influence your children by the quick things you say, not realizing they could be interpreting it completely wrong?

Celine Dion - Fly (Story dedicated to all parents who have lost a child)

Flying With the Angels - Chapter Three

When we pulled into our driveway, my dad was already there.  The tears were endless as I saw his face. 

His face was filled with turmoil and the tears were glistening on his cheeks.  After we stopped, I took off both mine and Traci’s seat belts and pulled her out of the car with me.  I was not going to let her go.  I was not ready for anyone to take her from me.  I looked at my dad and my emotions were so great, I just fell into his arms with Traci still in mine.  He hugged us both tightly and together we cried. 

The whole time Traci held onto both of us.  At that moment, I knew my mom must have explained how we would be okay and that it was her time to continue on.  If Traci had seen this kind of display of emotion before she would have insisted she do the chemotherapy. 

She was so quiet and peaceful right now and for a moment I felt very angry with my mom.  The feeling passed quickly and all of a sudden I felt peaceful again, the way I had felt after we had ran through the flowers.  I pulled away from my dad and looked at Traci.  She smiled at me.

“You feel it too, don’t you?”  she asked me, “It’s grandma.  She’s here and wants me to tell you she loves you and she knows you will be okay.”

My dad and I immediately looked around, expecting to see my mom standing there.  Of course we did not see anything, but I felt so much peace.  I knew she was there and it looked like my dad was feeling it too. 

He pulled Traci out of my arms and together we walked into the house where Jack was on the telephone with his sister.  He got off the telephone just then and looked at the three of us.  It was hard to believe this was the end. 

We had tried so hard to get pregnant with Traci.  Afterwards, the doctors told us I would be unable to have other children.  We had felt very blessed to at least have her and now she was leaving us. 

Jack came over to us and put his arms around me and we embraced each other, while my dad carried Traci into the family room.  We held each other for a few minutes and as we separated, Jack’s parents walked into the house from the garage door.  Both of them were crying and their eyes and faces were red.

Jack pointed into the family room and both of them hurried in to see their little angel.

Flying With the Angels - Chapter Two

We arrived at the hospital a couple of hours later filled with a sense of peace. 

Traci was sleeping in the back seat with a look of contentment on her face.  Who knew an hour in a field of flowers would change the whole feeling of our day.  Traci was an angel already.  An angel sent especially to me to remind me who I am and what really matters in the chaos of the world.

We pulled in to the parking space and Jack turned off the car.  We sat in silence for a moment. 

They had expected us almost two hours ago.  It did not matter though.  The only thing that mattered was this moment, these few precious moments we had left with our little girl.  We both knew it was the end.  It was a feeling we had both received while laying in the field holding hands with Traci.  She had smiled and giggled and talked of heaven and angels.  She knew where she was going and she wanted us to be at peace with it. 

This moment was peaceful, special and tranquil.  Although we knew what was to come and we felt peaceful, we did not want to accept it.  The thought was still agonizing, so we continued to live in this moment and this moment only. 

Jack squeezed my hand bringing my thought back to the car.  I looked back at Traci and smiled.  I was lucky and privileged to have met this angel.  Jack must have read my mind.  He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

“We are so lucky.  God must have known how much we needed to have her in our lives.”

I smiled as we shared a knowing look and then we both opened our doors and climbed out of the car.  Jack opened Traci’s door and gently pulled her into his arms.  She melted into his body and he cradled her the way he had when she was a baby.  I took it all in as the tears began to roll again. 

We silently walked into the hospital and as we entered the children's ward we were greeted by a couple of impatient and angry nurses.  As they took in the scene of our little family their words instantly softened and they began to calmly instruct us on what had to be done to get Traci ready for all her tests. 

Our peaceful moments were gone, but I held onto the peace in my heart as I followed the nurses to Traci’s room.

Flying With the Angels - Chapter One

It has been over a week since I posted anything on this blog... I have been working on a short story for a while and I wanted to get it ready to post!  Just an FYI... this is a bit of a sad, spiritual and emotional story.  If anyone is dealing with death of someone close or is dealing with any form of cancer with themselves, family or anyone close to them I would suggest NOT reading this, unless you feel it something you can handle.

 I was inspired to write this by a nature scenery I saw and by a song I love.  I will post the song at the end of the entire story, which will have three chapters.  I love to write and most of my writings are completely fictional and do not come from actual events in my life or anyone's life close to me.  Please be kind in any criticisms you might have towards my story.  After all... that is all it is, a story.

FLYING WITH THE ANGELS - CHAPTER ONE

“Mom, it looks like heaven,” Traci exclaimed staring out of the window.

I glanced over to where she was looking and noticed the clouds with the sun blazing through the center.  It was beautiful and mesmerizing.

“It does look like heaven,” I replied.  “You have such a great eye for beautiful moments!”

Traci continued to stare at the clouds and the sun as they slowly changed formation.  She was such a special kid.  Life was so exciting and full with her in it.  She lived in the moment and to her there was never a dull moment in life. 

Funny since I never taught her that, she just came that way.  She was my teacher, instead of the other way around. 

A tear escaped on of my eyes as I looked back to the road ahead.  Jack reached over from the drivers seat and squeezed my hand instinctively.  I quickly looked over at him and we shared a knowing glance.  Pain was in his eyes and I am sure it was just as noticeable in mine. 

We were on our way back to the hospital to admit Traci.  The leukemia had metastasized through her body and the doctors were skeptical on whether or not they could stop it this time. 

My mind wandered back to the moment when it all came crashing down on our hearts.

Don't Mess with Mama Bear!

If you mess with my kids, you mess with me... If you are a parent or a protective aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc. you most likely get where I am coming from. My kids are no angels, but they are my kids and no one messes with them and gets away with it.

Yes... I know children “need” to learn to defend themselves, but when it comes to older kids or adults, you can bet I will step in and rectify the situation!

Here is a great example... A couple of years ago, I got a call from the Vice Principal of my son’s school, while I was at work. My son at the time was only seven.

He had told me over the past few months about different altercations he had with other children and I knew he had been in the Principal’s office a few times, only because he had told me. I had not received any notes, emails or calls from anyone at the school. Therefore when I got this call I was completely blown away by what she had to tell me.

She proceeded to tell me he had gotten in a fight with another boy the day before and when the boy came to school the next day he had a horrible black eye, along with having a bad cut close to his eye. They thought since it had been bad enough, it was a good time to let me know.

She proceeded to say my son had been in many fights with another boy who we know pretty well. I began to laugh and told her, if she was telling me he was fighting with this kid, it was because he was standing up for himself.

This kid is a bully.

Several times I had come to ALL my kids aid because he was either running after them with a shovel and swinging it at them or he was taking off his dirty underwear and throwing it at them or he was pushing, shoving them, throwing rocks or other objects at them or yelling cuss words for the whole neighborhood to hear. Then as soon as an adult pops their head in, he acts completely innocent and sweet. Luckily, I had spent several times watching through the windows and listening to their stand-offs. He may have the Vice Principal or other adults fooled, but he was not pulling a fast one on me.

I immediately brushed off those accusations and asked her if there had been previous problems with this one boy before yesterday. She told me she did not think so, but she had not gotten my sons side of the story and the story of the other boy was brief. She then proceeded to tell me she had told my son, if he had any more problems with fighting they would have to suspend him from school.

Silence... from me. If you were on my side of the phone, you would have probably seen my face go red and steam blow out of my ears!

Celebrate You!

Have you ever felt not good enough or below others in certain areas of life or in life in its entirety? I know I have. It took me a long time to value myself and see the person inside me, who is beautiful, strong and inspirational. I used to be scared of any attention placed upon me and to this day I still get a little anxious if it happens, but now I KNOW who I am. I know I am just as important and valuable as the next person and this knowledge has completely changed my life. Do you really think I would write on a blog and pour my heart and soul out on the internet for everyone to see if I felt I held no value? I really do not think I would be brave enough and some times I still question myself when pondering the next thing I want to write about. Some times I worry what others will think and if they will think what I write is ridiculous or stupid. But then I yank myself back to reality and realize, it does not matter. It does not matter what anyone thinks of me. Their opinions are their own and whether they are positive or negative is none of my business.

How strong are you really?

I was quietly meditating this morning while my baby was taking his nap and I began to think of all the challenges I have had in my life, including present ones. While I was searching through my mind I realized there was not one of those trying moments in my life where I did not eventually fall on my knees and say a fervent and long overdue prayer to my Heavenly Father. Then I began to think of how long it took until I did turn to God for assistance. Some times I get on my knees almost immediately and other times I push myself for as long as I can before I crumble under the pressure and have no choice but to look for heavenly support. I wonder why I wait. Do I really think I am strong enough without His help? Actually I know I am not strong enough without my Heavenly Father. He is the reason I have made it this far in my life without giving up. However, some times I find myself "trying" to solve all of my life's problems without His assistance and that is when I find myself barely treading water. Who else does this? Are there times in your life where you have thought you could bear all the burdens?