Yes... I know children “need” to learn to defend themselves, but when it comes to older kids or adults, you can bet I will step in and rectify the situation!
Here is a great example... A couple of years ago, I got a call from the Vice Principal of my son’s school, while I was at work. My son at the time was only seven.
He had told me over the past few months about different altercations he had with other children and I knew he had been in the Principal’s office a few times, only because he had told me. I had not received any notes, emails or calls from anyone at the school. Therefore when I got this call I was completely blown away by what she had to tell me.
She proceeded to tell me he had gotten in a fight with another boy the day before and when the boy came to school the next day he had a horrible black eye, along with having a bad cut close to his eye. They thought since it had been bad enough, it was a good time to let me know.
She proceeded to say my son had been in many fights with another boy who we know pretty well. I began to laugh and told her, if she was telling me he was fighting with this kid, it was because he was standing up for himself.
This kid is a bully.
Several times I had come to ALL my kids aid because he was either running after them with a shovel and swinging it at them or he was taking off his dirty underwear and throwing it at them or he was pushing, shoving them, throwing rocks or other objects at them or yelling cuss words for the whole neighborhood to hear. Then as soon as an adult pops their head in, he acts completely innocent and sweet. Luckily, I had spent several times watching through the windows and listening to their stand-offs. He may have the Vice Principal or other adults fooled, but he was not pulling a fast one on me.
I immediately brushed off those accusations and asked her if there had been previous problems with this one boy before yesterday. She told me she did not think so, but she had not gotten my sons side of the story and the story of the other boy was brief. She then proceeded to tell me she had told my son, if he had any more problems with fighting they would have to suspend him from school.
Silence... from me. If you were on my side of the phone, you would have probably seen my face go red and steam blow out of my ears!
I began to lay into her... I was not sure how loud I had gotten, but from the looks of the other two women I share an office with, I was not being quiet.
I asked her when did she get the right to tell a seven year old he was going to be suspended without speaking to his parents first. I also asked when she had the right to assume it was ALL his fault if she never bothered to get his side of the story. Just because he was not hurt does not mean he started the fight or was the cause of the fight.
I was furious and she knew it.
I continued to tell her she should have spoken to me yesterday when the fight occurred and together with the parents of the other child we could have met and figured out what had happened. I also said I do not appreciate her telling my son he will be suspended when not only had she not spoken to us first, but that I had heard of no warnings and I had NEVER received any calls from the school before now.
I am not sure how this all came out. I am sure it was vicious, but she had just stepped over a line that was unacceptable!
If I am not going to be my child’s advocate, then who will be?
I could not believe I was hearing this from someone who should KNOW better.
After I finished yelling at her, she quietly asked if I would like to meet with the other parents and both children. I immediately said yes. We set the appointment up and I hung up the telephone.
I sat there feeling my heart pumping in my chest and working on calming myself down. I looked up at my two friends and they were both staring at me. Grrrrrr... I told them I had to leave. I began to tell them what this woman had told me and their reactions gave me the justification I needed! Maybe I should have approached her in a nicer way, but you mess with Mama Bear you are going to get a limb pulled off!
The best part is when I walked past the office down the hall, another lady I work with yelled after me, “Did you win?” HAHA, I must have been really loud!
I met with the Vice Principal, my son, the other boy and his parents. The black eye was NOT that bad and the cut was barely there.
Then I knew... I was dealing with an exaggerator.
She had not only said things to my kid without me being present, but she had made a mountain out of an ant hill.
We got both stories from the boys and it turned out, the OTHER boy had attacked my kid first. My son had yelled at him first, but the other boy had thrown the first punch, well actually it was a tackle. So my son had tackled him back and I am not sure when the other boy got the black eye or cut, but it was some where during this second tackle.
She had made an assumption, because my boy had been in trouble before, so he was immediately labeled as the initiator.
I glared at her. I have to admit I enjoyed her discomfort.
She refused to look at me and if she had I would have bit her head off. It was better for all parties involved, she remained passive. I did not want her apology, but if I ever had this kind of problem with her again, there would be major complaints aimed in her direction.
I told my son to get his things and we left. Funny... two years later and we have not had another problem.
My kids are wonderful... they are my joy! I want them to grow up to be exceptional adults and I always want them to know I will be there standing with them in their toughest times.
I also want them to know they have to work hard to get what they want and they do not have the luxury to fall back on mom if they make wrong choices. I will stand with them, but I will not do the work. I will always be their advocate, not their enablers.
Do you have any times where mama or papa bear appeared out of thin air? How did it end for both or all parties involved? Please feel free to share! I hope you all enjoyed my thoughts! Peace to all of you!
P.S. - I know every person on this planet makes mistakes and I am sure this woman was completely aware of her mistake after sitting down with the group of us. I am sure she was sorry and I do forgive her. In the heat of the moment, I was there just for my son. He was my concern, not her. I am sure next time this situation comes up with any child, she will approach it differently.
I love this. Great job Mommy! I don't blame you one bit, you did the right thing. This was a great story, thanks! I can't think of any "Papa Bear" stories at the moment but they do exist, so I'll try to remember to post it if I think of it.
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