Living with an Addict - Part 2

Part 1 - Living With An Addict - Part 1

The really bad seems a bit overwhelming when I look back.  So much happened over the next few years and some times it is hard to sort in my head.  However, there were a few incidents during those years that stand out more than others.

My ex-husband borrowed a large amount of money from his parents to put into another business with two other men.  These men lived in different parts of the United States... one lived in Florida and I believe the other lived in Georgia. 

These two men knew of my ex through other business ventures and they came to him.  They wanted him to be a part of their team in this new business.  To tell you the truth I cannot even remember which business it was... he tried out so many during our marriage and it is hard to remember them all.  I do know it was some MLM and they needed the cash so they could buy leads.

My ex was a con.  It is sad but very true.  I do not know how many people he swindled out of their money, but I am sure there were many. 

Eventually his two partners figured this out and kicked him out. 

This period of events happened during our second year of marriage.  We also became pregnant with our son.  Just when I thought life was looking up, it came crashing back down on us. 

These two men would not pay his parents back and they were furious about that. 

Who could blame his parents? 

My ex made it seem like it was these two men's fault and they were the ones swindling him out of the money.  I had enough of his lies so I called them up myself.  Wow, were there stories completely different.  He had conned many of their leads out of money and did not deliver on the products.  They had to kick him off the team because it was bad for their image and bad for the company.  They did not feel like they owed the money to his parents and I could see why. 

He had made his bed and now he got to sleep in it.

I could see a horrible pattern and it was really turning into a bad dream. 

He was a wonderful salesman but he used the money up instead of giving them the product.  He needed the money for all the drugs.  I really did not know how deep he was in with the drugs, but shortly after our sons birth I found out. 

It was a time I do not like to talk about or even remember. I will not go into too much detail for the safety of everyone involved, but I will give you a brief overview.

My ex was attacked by someone with a bat at a gas station while he was putting air in the car tires.  He came home all banged up, but because he had seen the shadow of the guy behind him, he had moved just in the nick of time.  If he had not they would have hit him in the head.  He claimed they were trying to steal the car.  I found out later they were going to kill him because of something he did...

I still do not know what the something was, but it must have been pretty big.  It most likely was money or drugs. Is that not why most people kill other people these days?

The few days later, I called a friend from work...

This friend was so frightened as they told me the story of their last nights activities.  This is where I will not go into too much detail. 

To make it short... divine intervention was in play that night.  The people who were wanting my ex dead were going to come kill him that night at our house.  How my friend found this out is not important.  What was important was that it was stopped because this person knew me. 

They were going to come to my house... in fact they had been watching my house and they had been in my house.  They had cut my telephone wires and they knew everything about us.  They were the ones who had attacked him at the gas station. 

I was sick... I had no idea what to do.  I did not want to go back to my house... EVER! 

I went to my mother-in-law immediately.  She got me to calm down and she called my ex and had him come over.  He told me my friend was crazy.  I asked him how they knew the things they did including his attack at the gas station.  He told lie after lie after lie.  I knew I could not trust him.  He had put my family and I in danger. 

I wanted to tell my parents and leave him right then.  He convinced me to stay.  A great sales man.  As many have told me, my ex could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman wearing white gloves.  And I was scared, naive and not wanting my whole life to fall apart. 

This all happened during our third year of marriage.

Another incident during our third year of marriage was the young woman who called me.  She told me things about my ex that made me sick to stomach.  Again.  She said that he was a completely different person when he was not around me.  She told me he stole from people and he did drugs right in my house and in my garage.  She told me while I was sleeping up in the bedroom he was down in the garage doing drugs with all his buddies, including her.  She said he had stolen her car and that was why she was calling me.  She wanted her car back and she did not care if she threw him under the bus to get it. 

What was I to say?  I wanted to believe him.  I wanted these things to stop happening.  I wanted my life to be normal. 

It was far from normal... I felt so hopeless and helpless.  I had no where to turn. 

His parents believed everything he said despite what I had told them. 

I was scared to go to my parents, because I didn’t want my dad to go ballistic. 

I could not talk to my friends. 

The only one who had an idea of what was going on wanted nothing to do with it, out of fear. 

I was alone and it was the most frightening moments of my life.

One more small but very vivid memory of that year was when my ex drugged me. 

Yes, he drugged me. 

He grilled steaks that night and with the seasoning he had crushed up a pill.  I still do not know what it was, but it made me so sick and very sleepy. It was after I had our baby and after I had stopped breastfeeding, so at least he was conscious about that.  But I had two babies in my house and I was not fit to watch them. 

When I yelled at him for it, his excuse was he wanted me to relax and have a good nights sleep. 

I felt so betrayed.  It was one thing to do things to himself, but to drug ME... I was devastated and hurt.  And above all I was angry.  Maybe because of the adrenaline running through my body the drugs did not impact me as bad.  I never passed out, which I am sure was very disappointing for him, but I did get sick and throw up.  I also felt very light-headed and nauseated the rest of the night.

That house has very bad memories for me. 

Nights of pacing the floor wondering if he was dead on the side of the road. 

Nights of arguing and fighting and crying. 

Nights of chasing him out of the house, begging him not to leave. 

Days of watching him throwing up and passing out from coming off of the drugs. 

And endless days and nights of feeling like my whole marriage was one big lie, filled with hopelessness.

Before our third anniversary we had to move away from our beautiful home.  We had lost it to foreclosure.  We could not pay ANY of our bills.  Any money we did have had gone to drugs.  We were broke and I was alone. 

He was gone almost every night.  If he was home he was either crashed on the bed or couch or he was in the garage tearing a part his engine because he swore it was making a strange noise.  It is funny when you attempt to put back together an engine and there are parts left over.  And yes this happened to him. 

Guess what?  We had to borrow money from MY parents so he could get a new engine for his truck because he could not figure out how to put it back together.

So... we moved away. 

We found a rent to own home and were able to come up with the money to pay for the rent.  I was working again and I was praying things would turn around so our family could survive. 

I wanted my husband back.  The man who swept me off my feet and made me feel protected and loved.  He was gone, but at the same time he was still there.  He would give me a taste of that man and then I would lose him again. 

However, when we moved things seemed to change.  I am not sure what it was, but life just calmed down.  He was around more often and he was home almost every night.  In fact my memories of that house were far more pleasant then the house before.  I felt some what peaceful there and I felt like I had a part of my husband back again. 

We lived there for six months and although there were a few incidents here and there, nothing as crazy as before.  We made it through our third anniversary and about a third way into the year... then we had to move again. 

And it got bad... no it got worse then ever.

We could not afford to live any where.  We had to move in with family.  I continued to work for my measly pay...

Just as a side note, FINISH COLLEGE EVEN IF YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND OR EVEN WIFE IS GOING TO SUPPORT YOU.  Life throws curve balls and preparation is the best defense mechanism.  I had not finished college and I could not get a great job.  But the job I had was fulfilling and my kids were in day care for free.  That saved us a WHOLE bunch of money. 

We were not getting money from the state for day care, if you were wondering.  My job provided free day care.

While we were living with family my ex began to disappear again.  I think part of the reason was because he felt like he could not provide for his family so it depressed him which made him turn to drugs again. 

He did a lot of stupid things.  Things which I caught him doing. He was becoming very reckless and stupid.  He could not keep a job and the good friends he had once had would not even speak to him. It was a bad turning point to our life together. 

One time he told me he had to go to a convention for work.  He claimed it was in a city about 3 hours away.  He said he would only be gone a couple of days.  I was just happy he was working some where.  He took our car and was gone for only 2 days.   When he got home, I found a San Diego phone book underneath the front seat.  San Diego is 11 hours from us. 

I confronted him.  He said they went to San Diego instead, but he claimed it was for work, again.  I knew he was lying.  I knew he had gone to Mexico for drugs.  I was wising up.  I was doing my homework.

One day during this time, I caught my ex shooting up with heroin. 

I was mortified.  I saw him parked on the side of the road and it looked like he was just laying on the seat.  I pulled over thinking something bad had happened.  I opened the passenger door and there he was with a needle in his arm and a spoonful of heroin on the seat. 

I think I called him a bunch of names that are not appropriate to mention, but I am not sure if he even remembers it.  He barely opened his eyes long enough for me to slam the door and storm away. 

I hated him at that moment.  I could not believe I had married someone so weak, so deceitful and so self-centered.  I did not allow him to come back home for quite awhile, but once again he wormed his way back into my life.

We eventually moved from our families home and moved into a duplex.  It only had two bedrooms, but the second bedroom was large enough so the two kids could easily share.  He had found a pretty good job and was finally making some what decent money again.  His weird friends had started coming around again, but they were more helpful then before.  I began to like them.  I felt bad for all of them. 

I knew HE was doing drugs.  I knew he was messed up.  I felt like I could save him.  I was learning more and more about addicts and I wanted him to get better. 

I wanted him to get help and I knew it was possible... From this point many things happened and I will post them in my third and final post on living with an addict.

To be continued...

Please share with others.  You never know when someone else’s story will assist another.  I am not sure if my story will do anything for anyone else, but one thing which made life easier for me was knowing I was not alone and that there were people out there who had made it through these issues in life. 

I know my story so far is pretty depressing... but there is a point and a good ending for me.  I would love to hear anyone else’s stories and I am also available to talk to anyone who might be going through a similar journey.

Peace and light to all!